2nd - 8th Feb 2019
When I cannot see words curling like rings of smoke round me I am in darkness—I am nothing.
― Virginia Woolf
* * *
- I can see that now
- No. I didn’t see it that way at the time.
- Yes it’s cold here.
- What do you really want
-I don’t know, it’s just I feel like I get mugged by the sun every morning.
-I wish I could say it clearer. Not cheated, but
- Did I tell you about the man in the fireball. In Oklahoma in an empty field. He looked like he was dancing. And I did not stop.
-I should go.
- No. I haven’t.
- I just get this way sometimes.
-I haven’t spoken to him a while.
-He looked lkke his was dancing.
-And I just kept driving.
-That Bob Marley song you like was on the radio. I didn’t help.
-How do I know it’s madness if it seems sane at the time? I can see it now. But that’s not how it seemed then. It wasn’t
-She doesn’t care. Why would I do that?
-Sometimes I just wish I was a dinosaur.
-Can you hear that bird?
-No. I think the neon lights fuck with it.
-Oh, wait, I remember now. Do you remember, when we were driving through New Hampshire? We saw a black pillar of smoke in the distance. And then we came around the side of the mountain, and then we passed a rest area and there was a coach bus parked on the edge of the parking lot, and it was completely engulfed in flames. People were standing around, waiting for it to blow.
-Yeah, that guy reminded me of it. I thought, "Is he going to blow?"
-Right, exactly. I don't know. I'm just worried, I guess.
-That one song, I don't know. I forget how it goes.
-Did you ever hear the theory that we developed language after our ancient African ancestors ingested psilocybin mushrooms?
-Time alone time will tell
- You think you’re in Heaven but you’re living in Hell
- I’m waiting for the toast to pop
-Yeah I don't know, I think I heard that on the radio.
-NPR or something.
-Why do you say "cheated"?
-It’s only that it’s hard when you already know the ending.
-But that’s not it either
-It’s only I can’t think of anything in life that I want.
-I should go
-Do you want me to go?
-I’m sure there’s a word for it in German or some other language I don’t understand. If I don’t know the word for it then it doesn’t really help.
-And even if I did
No. The word.
-It’s too late now. I can’t
-Yeah I am. How did you know? Totally dark.
-I like it. I’ve always liked sitting in dark rooms. It feels like a mystery movie.
-I like talking to people I can’t see
-I wish I could’ve recorded what we said. I’d like to translate it into German, then Spanish, then Japanese, Russian, then Italian, then Igbo, then Dutch, then Swedish, then Greek and back.
-Maybe I’d be different then
-Yeah. I started again.
-The yelloe box.
-Watching the lights from the cars travel around the ceiling.
-No. I’m not sad. I just feel like there’s plenty of time and not enough
-Yeah. That time on the boat.
-Amalgamation and capital.
-Like the time I saw the man on fire running from the bus in New Hampshire.
-I tried to stop but my brokes gave out.
-I think my nerves are shot.
-Are you? I think I have some too - hang on
-I feel that too.
-Maybe it’s just accumulation.
-All that death.
-It’s like pushpins in a map I can’t see.
-The dancing man?
-Like the whole brown field was a ballroom.
A ballet dancer covered in flames and not screaming. Spinning in fire and collapsing to the ground to die.
-In the snow of Minnesota I think. Just outside Montreal.
-I was thinking the same thing. I don’t know the name of many plants.
- I remember that.
In the Bahamas. We saw the scuba diver on fire but they were casually examine a coral formation and then a sand shark swam by and didn’t bother the diver or us or even notice us and you kept calling it sleek.
-If I knew the names of plants maybe things would be different
-When did you leave?
-Only one bullet though
-That was the last time I was down there
-Trying to remember if it actually worked itself out that way
-Of all the places I might go back to, that isn’t one.
-Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth, I know.
-Waltzing in time with the waves. Just like your astrologer said they would be.