Sometimes I Feel Like Punching Someone In The Face Until They Can’t Breathe Anymore And That’s The End Of It

Christopher Higgs

Sometimes I feel like punching someone in the face until they can’t breathe anymore and that’s the end of it. I feel like smotthering someone and choking the life out of them and not letting them breathe and then when they are good and dead take them out into the bright sunlight and stare at their dead fucking body and smoke three cigarettes and talk to the dead body about how great life is without them being around to ruin things and then I would like to laugh and call it a day. I sometimes feel lioke this is the only way to make myself feel gopd and I wonder if this is a bad thing or if this is just my way of being normal? I can never tell if this is completely crazy or if my way of being normal is just so different from everybody else’s normal that they can’t see what it is that makes me normal and so they call me crazy but really they are the ones who are really and truly crazy. I hate to judge things, I hate to say that some things are good and somethings are bad and I actualy really dislike people who do judge everything and for the record I can think of nothing which is so despicable as someone who all they do is sit around judge things and with such a cynical attitude that everything is a negative and I hate the fucking lot of them and the rest of fucking everybody and that they would come up with such stupid things to say and to pawn them off as their thoughts when really all they do is say negative things it is completely reprehensible and it really fucking pisses me off and I can barely handle myself around these types of people they make me so fucking mad all I see is red and I want to jump out of a window to get away from the negativity and I wish that there was a way to get away from it without dying but it seems completely useless to even try so I squint my eyes as tight I can get them and I buncvh m,y fists up into these tight clenche4d fists and I shout and scream and want to0 kill the fucking sun and bleed the shit out of every fucking animal on the fucking earth and take all that blood nad wash the rest of the qworld with it oncve and for all and to never lert up on the entire grip iof the throat of the world and I weish that I could grasp the entire workld with one big thrust and take iot and shake it loose of all of its negativity and I wisdh there was a way the world couldf ber rid of all the bad and negative shit and ih ate when there are people whhjo think they are so fucking smart and really they are sub opar intelligent and they try to pawn themselves off I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate I hate Ihate Iohate it sop fucking much I can barely hardly see straight I want to take the gun out of the drawert and pouint it and shoot the shit out of it and never look back and so help me I could care less whatever happens and whatever happens that is what will happen and they rest of wverything will be over and I could really care less I ham so sick of the fucking negative I want to take a suitcaqser full of my things and disappear to a place over the border where no one I know is and there I can disappear and not have to0 deal with people who are stupid enough to think that they are smart and talk sshit and think they know everything and I hate the fact that I even have to write anything at all this should be understaood and I think that the fact that I am even writing this in such a fucking frenzy is cause enough for the whole world to take notice and take ab reath for me and then hold that brewath u ntuil the entire world suffocates and that will be the end of everything, I can hardly contain mysklerf right now it is no surprise that I would do something ghastly it is no surprise that I hate the fact that people aare trying to make me feel bad and are trying to hinder me well being, I hate the fact that there are people who are trying to hinder my well being and I wish there was a way to get to the bottom of thingas and let the world be rid of alpl the negativeity and I think there ios no good way to fdo that, it is usules to try and rid the world of bad because the world is fukll of bad and it always will be because it is usless and this life is useless and people who are negative are usless and it pisses me opff royally and I can think of nothing nice to say and I want to say nothing GH I WANT TO TAKE Back off for Atigf and forget the whole entire thing, I want to get back on a plane and fly to Atigf where the fudckign negativbity will disappear opver the fucking ocean and I can let everything seep out off m,ky skin and try to make my life better but it won’t be it will be the same I can’t fix it, it just gets worse and no matter what I tery I take a puill or I take a this that or the other thing and smoke it all turns out to piss me off because of all the fucking negativity and I can’t see straight though it it is so frusterating, I hate the fact that there is negativeity I hate thfact that there is negativity I hate the fact that there is negaativeity I hate the fact that there is negativity I hate the fact that there is I hate the fact I hate the fact I hate Ihate I hate Ihate and that will be the end of it I can say no more it all too much for me to bear I want to get risd of the fucking shiot and let it go, fine it will go and thjat wjuill be akll aaaaaaaqaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that will make me feel better won’t it, just bang away at the keys until what ????? Until I bleed? Until I die? I won’t die typing I am sure of that anhd there is nothing I can do to prevent my death but I am sure that the fact that I am well is bullshit because obviously I am not well it all a joke, I am sick I am angry and it will not disappear, it will not be a big deal it will not be a big deal it will all be ok in the end some day dome day some day some day I will forget any of this haoppened I will forget all of this I weill forget and that will be the neenenenenennenenenenenend of it all and that will be the end of it the end of it the end of it owf it ititit of of o it and that will be the end of it all and I will be alone and I will be alone and I will be alone and I will not have to deal with any more fucking negativity and I will not have to deal with anymore negativbvity and I will not have to deal rwith any more negataicvity and I w3uill not have to deal with any more negativity and (h ah tae hate harte hateha56tehyatahhet hate the fucki9ng negaticvigtiy n nmegativity negatovioty I been here lonbg wnough to know that I cannot take any morwe pf this I cannot at takle take taketaklet ketakletakteklaterkl tahet hatehate hetahet hateh tahet I ccannoot take any morwe ofg othis thias this tuihbs I cannot take any more of this I am do o o o os sof ucking mad I canno0t take ny more of this this is the thstehthetehbthetrthetthetthetth I am am out of my ducvking head wioth angey asndgry angry anghry aI napa I am so0 fucking angry I canno0t type straight and tyhei sh with will j be the ben end of it theis will be the end of it this will be the end of it iIIIIII I cannot take much much mcuch mcuch mcuchm uch cuchm,cuhcmicym juc 7hmjcuycmmkcughcnmmcygcjkighyc more andf this i9sd what I have to say about it this is what I havr to day this is all I can sdsasay at thios pouint I am deeing bl8ue and this is not red any more I am seeing red n n no red no bluer no green and no now it is a differwent color a differenbt co0olor or oco.rolror orlrorlcorlrocl I cannot see zxstraouigh I cannot see astraighht I cannot see straight I weant out Out out out out outou ioutou outo uto touto uotu outio tutouOUI cannot see straight this the end end nend nenend nend nend nthe te the the the end and this is the end and this isd the end and this is the end is the end and this is the end an d this the end and there is nothing more for me to say at this point there is nothing left for me to say this is all I have to say and I am complete ly insane and I am angry and insane and I want a reaon to get iout and a way top get out and IIIIIIII cannot get the reason I cannot find a way, I hate hate hatehat hetaheta hat het h tahat h hate hate the fact that there is so muchy fucking fucking fucking negatiovtyiy negativity and there is no reaon for the way in which a…….it isw fucking stupid and stup-id and I am completely mad and frusterated and I cannot take nay more of this this is isisisisisisisisisisisisisxiaswasdfjulo

Christopher Higgs leads a fairly comfortable lower-middle class life, thanks to academia. He is responsible for the authorship of a novel entitled The Complete Works of Marvin K Mooney (Sator Press, 2010). He rarely attends social gatherings, enjoys listening to strange music and watching strange films. He loves his wife and also curates the online art gallery Bright Stupid Confetti.