Portrait of Doris and Mitzi on a Checkout Lane at Whale Foods Supermarket -- Artist's Medium: gauche orange plastic shopping carts.

Carol Novack

Doris

2 packages Irish Whiskey-Flavored Hostess Mostess Twinklees

4 conventionally dressed oranges without navels

1 quart conventional orange juice made from real Nicaraguan oranges with navels and Uzis

2 conventional heads Alaskan iceberg lettuce --- no taste guaranteed or money back special

2 conventional big dick sized cucumbers with seeds and hard, bitter skins

1 bottle Joanne Woodward’s Favorite Southern Tea beverage Bourbon flavored

4 lbs farm-raised Chuck from pasteurized cloned cows

Special Rosa Parks issue of Oprah magazine for Women coming with CD, DVD, VCR & anti-avian flu toxin.

1 package Moby Dick white chocolate ice cream bars, free harpoon included

3 giant sized boxes gourmet Oreos with crème de la crème centers

1 Jumbo bag Original Ray Lay’s Pepperoni Pizza Ripple potato chips with Real American farm-raised Cheese under the scrutiny of Whale Foods and Father Patrick Mc Sweeney

1 gallon pasteurized New York State extra creamy milk extracted from Grade A American Cows bred in Vieques.

1 package Whale Foods chocolate donuts, Special without holes.

1 package Big Beautiful & Blessed Bertie O’Malley’s ™ homemade, farm-raised unconventional bagels with real raison d’etres

1 loaf genuine old style Persian camel bread with open sesame seeds.

1 jar pure unadulterated genuine Southern peanut butter on sale (Remembering Jimmy Carter Special)

3 conventional pale tomatoes languishing from pesticides

7 unconventional cry-free onions

1% fat-free goat butter (Special)

12 pack Diet Coke

1 package Sweet n Low

1 package fried pork wing-dings

1 jar Whale Foods Own spicy marinara sauce with real green peppers and onions (on sale).

1 jar Bangor Maine seafood jelly with juicy starfish extracts (on sale).

3 desiccated generically tortured chickens with skins: Special of the Month!

1 pint conventional heavy cream, 20% extra fat included

1 bottle extra-strength TENDER TUMS ™

12 packages Kiddy Poo disposable diapers with melting safety pins



Mitzi

12 pack organic diet cola

3 pints Whale Foods organic Californian carrot sticks

7 cans Tofu-Temptee Organic Treats for Small Dogs™

3 packages organic-enriched tofu for adults, medium soft

2 lbs. organic broccoli rabbis (Pareve), grown under the supervision of Rabbi Nachman

2 packages Newman’s Own Organic Linguine™ on sale, proceeds to go to Llamas in Distress

3 Variety flavored packages Newman’s Own Lingerie for Women for Peace who Love Horses™

3 lbs Grade A imitation grain-fed upper New York State farm-raised salmon fingers

1 pint non-fat, low sodium, milk fed, cow-free organic heavy cream

1 gallon organic soy milk Lite in moderation

2 packages Famous Whale Foods No Endangered Species Flavored Tofu, soft

1 gallon fat-free, sugar-free, taste-free, totally free Newman’s Own organic vanilla ice cream with organic vanilla has beans, 1% of proceeds going to Save the Horse org.

3 lbs organic Mexican mesculin with jumping beans and sprouts

1 package Whale Foods Woodstock Special organic, vegan, gluten-free brown rice

3 organic Tasmanian tomatoes made by three genuine, unexterminated Aborigines

1 bottle authenticated imported organic Sicilian olive oil made from unadulterated virgins

Fall issue The Animal Activist: Special on The Plight of the Fijian Sea-worm

1 package Whale Foods organic oat bran flax seed cereal with organic elderberry bits and other anti-toxins

1 package organic prunes from the moors of Madagascar

1 package fat-free soy butter with real almond pieces

3 cans organic Lebanese lentil soup with the possibility of dung beetle shards

24 cans Whale Foods organic kosher pork and liver tofu cat food