Jimmy Chen

The boxes are in alphabetical order, which is not necessary. The size of each box is determined by the size of things to be contained therein, and the tendency for those things not to be picked up. The location of each box is determined by infrequency of use, with a priority given to those who reside here. Every attempt (successful) was made to keep the boxes next to each other.

There are three tiers of size: 1) NORMAL, 2) NORMAL 2X, and 3) EXPANDED SLOT. There are four (4) Expanded Slots at the ends and are possible because of former hinges that were in the way. These hinges have been removed with a non-electric hand screwdriver. These slots have been awarded to myself and L----------.

Myself and L---------- are the only ones here. Information Technology has been notified of this many times, and I remain in 'hidden' (his choice of term) status in the Global Directory. L----------works in Information Technology. He and I brainstormed the issue, coming to the conclusion that he is deleting me from directory. I have contacted L----------, and a Help Request has been put in.

Help Requests are necessary to counteract FREEZING OF THE QUEUE . The queue is very important. It keeps track of all jobs. When the word waiting appears in the queue, it is not good. Waiting invariably turns into error. Before they are officially errors they are back-logged in the queue. (You) get frustrated and continuously hit objects around you—moving atoms and re-channeling entropy (see index)—thus adding on to a back-log of jobs. This causes FREEZING OF THE QUEUE. Regarding non-queue 'general' freezing, if the original is not exactly the size of its copy, this will happen. There are two solutions to this: affix the ORIGINAL a) onto TEMPLATE II (forthcoming at another juncture ) or, b) into one of the four aforementioned Expanded Slots.

Most notable of the Expanded Slots is the one which has been used to contain fish. We refrain from calling it a 'fish tank', for it failed to function in that manner and the fish died, as well as the shrimp. At 9AM on Tuesday, there were two shrimps in the tank. One was alive, the other one not. There were two theories: 1) One of the two shrimp was eaten by a fish, or 2) There was only one shrimp, whom molted its shell. The popular educated theory came to be the latter one. Those (myself) who were loyal to the first theory were stoned. However, at 9AM on Wednesday, there were zero (0) shrimps in the tank. Gone, vanished. A reactionary theory surfaced—that theory No. 1 was indeed true because a) it is more possible for a fish to eat two shrimps in two days than b) for a shrimp to molt into nothingness. Short of an existential crisis, we have reached a compromise in theory, simply: There was only ever one (1) shrimp. He molted his shell, and brought an entire department to philosophical paralysis. Then, on one fateful night, he (and his abandoned shell) was eaten by—ironically—his presumed killer, the fish, who is now dead too.

As for the boxes (besides the ones flattened and used to pad down the wet carpet) some are missing from the main floor. These boxes are exclusively for Corinthians. It was to show them that we are not a plastic container kind of place, in the same way that our hand soap contains bison lard. Our feelings about the exclusivity of these boxes were so strong, and still are, that we did/do not let even the most esteemed of staff members (myself and L----------) use them. That they are used occasionally out of ignorance is a transgression to be lived with. That someone has taken them for good is near insanity. Please, whoever you are, return these boxes. They were in alphabetical order.

It may seem 'petty' for some, that we are so narrowly attached to mere material objects. This administration, like all Government, carries the burden of trying to legislate things which are common sense. Law is not a palindrome, but imperative in any society. The resulting mandates can be, we will admit, slightly annoying. This is not about one isolated incident of using slots for fish or boxes for non-Corinthian use, but the aggregate of behavior—culture—which we are concerned about. Let us put it this way: Is it 'petty' to ask that one does not run a red light

Jimmy Chen's fiction has appeared in Failbetter, Opium, Monkeybicycle, Eyeshot, McSweeney's, among others. He can be found virtually at Embassy of Misguided Zen