Attempt at an Inventory of Liquids and Foodstuffs Ingested by Me in the Course of the First Twenty-Three Days of the Year Two Thousand and Eight

John Holten

Six Advil Painkillers.
Two scrambled egg and toast, one apple and blackcurrant crumble biscuit, one fry-up, one baked beans with scrambled egg, seven toast, N slices of bread, one eggs benedict, one fruit scone with jam and butter, one croissant, two breakfast sandwiches, seven bowls of crunchy nut cornflakes, toast with egg, smoked salmon, tomatoes and parmesan.

One Callaghan’s Butcher roll (tomatoe, hazlitt, potato salad, grated chedder cheese), three toast with Callaghan’s Butcher paté, one slice of toast with cheese, three mouthfuls of Fried Noodles (Charlie’s Chinese takeaway), three slices of brown bread with cheese, brown bread with pate, humous.
One slice of quiche, two super noodles, one ham and cheese croissant.

Two cheese and onion sandwiches with mustard, one and a half sausage in batters and chips, hash browns with sausage (take away), leftover fusilli pasta with olives and pesto, penne pasta with pesto and cheese, two brie lettuce sandwiches, one egg and tomatoe sandwich, toast with lettuce and homus, one cheese sandwich, two French country sandwiches, one garlic bread, one bread roll.
Four large sausage rolls.
Three small sausage rolls.
Eighteen slices of bread with humous.
Some stuffed olives.

One leg of lamb with broussel sprouts, celeriac, celery, one roast lamb with peas, one crab salad with lettuce and toast, one rice with chile carne carne and cheese, one smoked salmon, one white bate, tuna and spinach pasta, one thai green curry with rice noodles, nine roast potatoes.

One tortellini and red pesto and avocado salad, three carbonara, one pizza with Cashel blue cheese, mozzerella, mushroom and red onion, a ‘Pollo’ pizza, one omelette with salmon and tomatoe, pasta with red pesto and crème fraiche and chedder, one lasagne with coleslaw, one lasagne with chips, one spaghetti Bolognese.

Oven haddock with chips and mayo.

One pasta with prawns, one roast chicken with fried potatoes, parsley and butter sauce, rasher bits, smoked salmon in a white wine sauce with spaghetti, bacon and potatoes with fried cabbage, onion, garlic and parmesan, one pasta with ham tomato red pesto cream sauce, one rib steak with roast potatoes and parsnips with red wine sauce with mushrooms, one bowl of pasta with green pesto and ham tomatoe garlic, spagetthi with bacon courgette green pesto, one carrot soup with bread roll, two lamb burgers with tomatoe mushrooms onion garlic lettuce bread and whole grain mustard.

Smoked redwood cheese, brie, Carr’s waterbread biscuits, blue cheese and mature chedder, lettuce and nuts.

Salad (tossed), two bananas, two apples, one sliced pear.

Three bags of Tayto cheese and onion crisps, two cheese finger-biscuits, one slice of pudding, trifle, one brandy snap, two Cadbury’s snack bar, fourteen After-Eight mints, half Cadbury’s Crunchie bar, one finger of a Kinder Bueno bar, four Wrigley’s Spearmint chewing gum, one bag salt and vinegar crisps, one bag sweet chile crisps, half a chocolate muffin with white chocolate topping, ice cream (vanilla) with melted dark chocolate, one mint sweet, three triangles of dark Toblerone, American sweets: pearled chocolate and fudge, warmed peanuts, one chocolate brownie with fudge sauce and ice cream and cream, a last kiss for some time, one Twix bar, four Rocky bars (plain), some pastachio nuts, five almond slices, one flapjack, one Cadbury’s Diary Milk bar, one Marks and Spencer mint sweet (chocolate).

One bottle Sauvignon-Shiraz, one bottle of Shiraz, five glasses of Chilian Carménère, four glasses Cabernet Sauvignon-Shiraz, two glasses Pinot, two glasses white Maçon, two glasses Pinot Noir, 1/2litre Shiraz-Malbec (Australian), three glasses Argentine Cab-Sav (in honour of Borges) fourteen glasses of miscellaneous red wine.

Thirty-eight pints of Guinness, one pint of Oyster Stout, six cans Dunnes Stores lager, one can Tesco’s lager, two cans of Turbigo, five and a half Guinness (can), a scotch whiskey, three glasses of Irish whiskey.

Sixty glasses of water, five glasses of orange juice, three glasses of Miwadi (orange), one glass of sparkling water.
Gulps of milk.
Three cups of tea, nineteen pots of coffee, eleven cups of coffee, one cup of coffee with milk (take-away), one expresso, one latte coffee (take away), thirteen instant coffees, one mint tea.

John Holten is a novelist who lives in Berlin. He's got a chapbook out soon of prose poems from Parking Meter Press. It will be available soon on his scotchtape website.