THE END OF A DECADE IN THREE PARTS

Jessie Knoles

I.

I love winter sky
Winter light
Winter time
Winter baths
Winter dinners
Winter mornings
Winter music
Winter naps
Winter dresses
Winter hugs
Winter birds
Winter berries
Winter blankets
Winter drinks

The sky is on fire now.
I will never regret over-feeling.

In my dream I
Inherited my sister’s grief:
Or did she
Inherit mine?

REASONS WHY I CAN’T GO TO CLASS TODAY

  1. I forgot to wear deodorant
  2. I watched a duck die 3 days ago and I keep replaying it in my mind
  3. I was not good at time management and have seven articles to read by 9 am tomorrow
  4. Every time I drink more than 1 beer I feel slightly depressed the next day
  5. I drank whiskey last night

II.

Passing by the statue on campus
Whose body you told me
Looked like my own
I’ll never forget it
I’ll never not resent by own belly fat

The shame about my mother and me is that
We were never the same age
At the same time

How do we carry all of this weight inside of us
How do you wake up every day and
Drive to your death?

Who is in your karass and do you still think of them
Even after they’ve ditched you for someone else’s?

Sometimes I catch a glimpse
Of myself and think about
My two pet turtles who,
Decades apart,
Both ran away from me.

LIST OF PLACES IN WHICH MY PERIOD HAS STARTED:

Sarah’s plastic swimming pool
The DMV
An airplane going to Chicago
In my sleep, 2:35 am
My favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant
On your couch
The car ride from Illinois to Minneapolis (9 hours)
The art museum
The dog park
The Illinois state fair
Christmas morning always Christmas morning

III.

In my dream I had a dream about you.
What do we call
The smell of sleep?

I never forget a face unless
I’m pretending to forget the face
Because the face
Has forgotten my face

I took a nap but
Instead of closing my eyes
I just watched dust particles
Dance in the sunlight

Jessie Knoles is the author of Once I Was Many Other Things (Bottlecap Press) and Chasing Old Haunts (Pitymilk Press). She lives in the Midwest and is a graduate student in LIS, specializing in archives and special collections.
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