Christoph Paul

I got not just a Big Mac
but the extra Big Mac—
for a dollar,
cause even though I’ve lost
8 pounds

I’m going to gain at least two back today
& contribute 0.000000000002 %
to Global Warming.

Sorry to my wife and Greta Thunberg.

I Morally Failed at McDonald’s Today

There was a multilevel marketing meeting
happening near the back
by the bathrooms.
A bunch forty-something women,
excited to finally make some $$$$
and become hashtag boss moms
while their kids used their imaginations
playing with slave labor toys,
while their moms talked on their slave labor phones
That I am using right now to write this poem.

Sorry to all the children and to the boss moms.

I Morally Failed at McDonald’s Today

To go to sleep I need to hear how people
escaped cults like Scientology or MLM scams.
I find peace in survival when you’ve lost
so much of your life for so little,
and I know all the facts and figures;
how it’s only 1% of people who even
make a profit off MLM’s and almost
all the people just lose money.

The FTC should be sorry for not banning MLMs.

I Morally Failed at McDonald’s Today

Cause I didn’t say shit to the boss moms,
I was just too tired from working
my disenchanting U.S. Census Job—
like them—I’m trying to find a way to make money.
So instead, I just ate my other Big Mac
and went on Facebook and Twitter
to talk about the evils of MLMs.

Christoph Paul is an award-winning humor author. He writes non-fiction, YA, horror, satire, literary fiction and poetry including: The Passion of the Christoph, Great White House Volume 1 and Volume 2, A Confederacy of Hot Dogs, Slasher Camp for Nerd Dorks, Sportscenter Poems, Horror Film Poems, At Least I Get You < In My Art, and The Haunting of the Paranormal Romance Awards. He is the managing editor and owner of CLASH Books which he runs with his wife and author of Leza Cantoral. He edited the anthologies Walk Hand in Hand Into Extinction: Stories Inspired by True Detective and This Book Ain’t Nuttin to Fuck With: A Wu-Tang Tribute Anthology.