Take off your glasses before you blow your nose. 

Take the Pop-Tart on the left out of the toaster first.

If you phone someone, count the rings so you can hang up before the machine answers.

If the DVD is three hours long, take two nights to watch it.

Use a ball-point pen, point retracted, rather than the scissors to scratch between your shoulder blades.

After opening the salsa, put the lid back on and shake the jar, since you forgot to do it before opening the jar.

The 5-second rule (real time = 20 seconds) holds good for all edibles except those that have rolled under the refrigerator or stove but are still reachable.

Do not watch a David Cronenberg movie if you are feeling emotionally vulnerable.

Avoid the terms "flick" and "joint" when referring to film.