If you have to comb your hair more than three (3) times in one day, you need to examine your life. 

Once you start to take a dump, keep going:  don’t try to stop to answer the phone.

When cleaning gunk from the outside of your ear, start at the top of your ear and run your finger down the main trough.

Never eat an uncooked hot dog.

Never eat a hot dog in any state.

Always have two (2) Kleenex in your t-shirt pocket.

You can’t have too many of those heavy orange extension cords.

Shave your mustache even if you don’t shave the rest of your face so you won’t get Kleenex fuzz between your mouth and nose.

Gray tube socks will do for any occasion.